Cold morning

I woke up this morning, looked outside and it was grey and cold. I had initially organised my outfit of the day- a dress but upon seeing and feeling how cold it is, I changed my outfit to a pair of trousers and a top. I am definitely going to miss the sunshine and the heat. 

Why are these words still being used today?

Swirling and BedWench?

I first came across these words - Swirling and Bed wench, a few months ago. It was in the comment section of a new reality show on Nigerian TV depicting the lives of Nigerian women married to white men.  Some of the comments were just vile!  I started coming across these terms used in a derisive manner on women in interracial relationships. Youtube comment sections were not exempt from the use of these terms. I got from the way the words were used that they were derisive and derogatory, so I went searching for the meaning of these words.

The dictionary definition of Swirling did not fully give me the meaning in the context the word was used. To swirl means to move in a twisting or spiralling pattern. The dictionary definition was missing the premise of which the term was being used. However, I came across this website thatsister.com, which had a definition closer to the context the words were used. Apparently, it is a term used within the Black Community to label a relationship between two partners from different ethnicities and/or nationalities. "The most common use of the term is attributed to a woman who is 'African American' or Black and in a relationship with a person that is white". 

According to the urban dictionary, a 'BedWench', or bed warmer was a slave woman whose job was to sleep in their slave master's bed, keeping it 'warm' so that when the slave-master was ready to have sex with them, they would be readily available. During the epoch of slavery, many of these women did not have the choice or power to refuse their masters. It was hard to understand how and why this dehumanizing term is still being used on women today. 

As I was searching for the etymology of these terms, I came across a plethora of Youtube channels featuring interracial couples and some of the comments left on the channels were just vile. Some comments were quite enlightening though and I came across a whole world of information. I was amazed to find out that there is a whole community out there of pro and anti-swirling movements.  However, there were some comments that stood out to me and I would like to highlight some of them here.  The first is the justification for swirling and bed wenching. Some commented that Black women swirl because they are running away from their 'Blackness' and think that proximity to whiteness was going to put them in a place of privilege. Some stated that their anger was not in the 'swirling' itself but due to the fact that some of these women take on the position of the white supremacist and begin to talk down on Black men. According to some comments, these women are 'swirling' to take on the position of power. Some argued that it was due to 'self-hate' that Black women swirl and that they have been 'brainwashed' into thinking that white is better. Others commented that some of these Black women put white men on a pedestal. Is this really the case?

Another surprising thing I noticed from the comments was the friction between Black Americans and Africans! I was indeed shocked to discover that some Black Americans think that Africans look down on them. Again, I don't fully understand the American context of race issues but I would have thought that there was some kind of kinship and solidarity in terms of understanding the common issues we as Black people face and fight for. As a woman of African heritage, I do not see myself better than anyone. I understand the struggles! But perhaps there is some truth in this. Is it true that Africans believe that they are superior to Black Americans? 

Another line of thought pertained to, 'if you are not marrying Black and procreating Black, then you are not pro-Black and cannot speak for the movement'. Does this mean that one cannot be pro-Black and be in an interracial relationship? Black people in interracial relationships still go through structural and institutional racism no matter who their partner is. They still have to deal with racism and discrimination. Their non-Black partner does not automatically absolve them from racism. Some of these women are outspoken about these issues and use their platform to highlight them. Does it mean that they are not pro-Black, just because their partner is non-Black? One comment especially intrigued me. "You cannot sleep with the enemy and be pro-Black". One comment mentioned that it was hypocritical of women with non-Black partners to speak for the movement. What does it mean to be pro-Black? This question is worth answering. 

Let me know your thoughts on this. 

Sources

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bed%20Wench 

https://www.thatsister.com/what-does-swirl-mean-in-african-american-culture/.

From east London to the City: How door knocking changed this boy's life

This story just made my morning! It is always great to see a Black person thrive and succeed. There are so many barriers that impede Black people from entering the job market and securing a good job. What this couple has done for this young boy is just remarkable. Now, Reggie Nelson is giving back to his community. What a bright young man to think outside the box. In his case, it worked out for good.

Follow this link to watch.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/stories-45116403/from-east-london-to-the-city-how-door-knocking-changed-this-boy-s-life

Put yourself first!

When all those negative talks come crashing into your thoughts and you begin to shrink and talk down to yourself, how you are of no good, how nothing good comes to you, how everyone hates you, how you are a failure and how you want to end it all and give up, remember to shut that voice down!

No matter what has happened in your life, you are beautiful, you are worth loving, you are worth living, you are brilliant!

Sometimes, the most critical person we have around us is not the horrible manager, the office bully, the competitive man or woman around us. Sometimes, the person that does the most damage to yourself is you!

Learn to replace these horrible thoughts with positive ones. Learn to love yourself, learn to forgive yourself no matter how many times you fail, fall, lose control and want to give up.

You owe it to yourself to be happy and live in the fullness of life!

Good morning!