There are things I cannot comprehend and still do not comprehend - the world and all that is in it and the emptiness and pains it sometimes brings. I never knew shock, unbelief and sorrow like I did when my dad passed away.
Impossible! This cannot be true! Never!
Then the not coming to terms with what has happened! Not being able to grieve…
Not speaking about it in the family as it still hurts and having no one to confide in as it is not their problem and you do not want to burden or dampen anyone’s spirit.
But then, trying to make meaning of what happened and helping your soul move on. Oh yes, I can accept this because he was in so much pain and at least he is not in pain anymore.
He is resting!
The belief that one day, we would all meet and laugh and dance and stroll through heavenly Eden…
But then the grief hits me in waves… I oscillate through different waves of emotions - especially when I listen to music we enjoyed; remember our games, laughter, fun…
We did have a marvellous time together… I most enjoy listening to all genres of music with you dad. We would listen and listen and listen to different songs -Carpenters, Elton John, Edith Piaf.... Talk about the instruments and the melodies…
Our intellectual discussions, I miss also! Dad would buy national papers, hand it to us and after reading; we would analyse and discuss the different issues in them.
Then the push to excel, our talk about never settling and always being the best!
What would life be like if you were still alive? Only God knows! But 12 years on today, the pain and emptiness are still real, raw and painful!
Rest well wonderful dad! Enyi ka Enyi!
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