I was moved to write this piece some months ago and submitted it to another blog. The piece was about the need for constant comparison and secretly monitoring the lives of others. Social media has made this easy!
There are some people very close to you that secretly despise and hate everything that you are. They hide as your friend and behind you, plot to destroy you. There is no reason for this other than insecurity. They envy the person that you are, the way you smile, your intelligence, your people skill, any small thing that even you do not notice about yourself.
They lurk about and hide in your social media as friends, like your photos, put up positive messages about you on their walls but secretly, they hate and despise you. They so want you to fail in life. Any tears and stories that you may have shared with them in confidence are stored somewhere in their head to use against you when they have the opportunity. Any tears of failure are used to mock and jeer at you. And the gossip? They find like-minded people that despise you too to gossip, find a sin to put on you so that in their demented minds they would have a reason to ‘hang the dog’.
You see, most times, the people that despise you are those closest to you. Extended family members, ‘bestie of life’ and ‘ride and die’ kind of friends, that if you find out how they have traduced your name, you would fear humans.
So, I come back to those that monitor you and constantly secretly compare their lives to yours. Have you ever had a fight with your so-called ‘ride and die’ friend, an extended relation who is on your facebook page and they begin to mention aspects of your life that you did not even know that anyone could keep tabs on? They come back at you on how many posts you make on Facebook and how you have not achieved anything in your life. They try to bring you down by comparing you and your achievement to your age mates. You can now see how your posts on social media have been killing them because they mention how you boast on social media and have nothing to show for it. With their words of attack, you begin to understand the level of hatred that they have for you, you begin to understand how that little achievement that you thought you were sharing with your ‘friends’ were in fact, killing them and giving them nightmares. Oh, they try to make small of your achievements because it makes them feel good. Least I forget, if you are single, they attack you with that and tell you how your life is worthless!
I have seen nasty things like this happen to people. I have had people talk about their own experiences.
What to do when any of the above scenarios happen. I give three basic suggestions that you could do.
1. Cut off from such toxic person. No need to exchange words. These people have expertise in mudslinging. You don’t. Don’t even attempt to go there. Any threats made, keep all as evidence and take to the police. There are groups that you could ask for a good solicitor’s contact details. Go the route of the law. Do not by any means, delete your facebook account. Stand strong. No one has the authority to bully you to silence and no one has the monopoly of being evil. Stand with all dignity. If you were wrong, stand still and find a way to amend your wrong. Let them go low. No one is saying that you should take a cue from Michelle Obama’s speech that says “when they go low, we go high”. But fight back with the law and even though you get nowhere at the end, you have made your statement that you are no walk over and no one can dictate how you run your life. No one can shame you unless you give your consent.
2. Talk to yourself. Encourage yourself. Never believe in the lies of those that despise you! Never! No matter what they sling at you, you should never be fazed. Believe that you are the best. You are in the best place now. You may not be where you want to be, but you are taking steps to get to where you want to be. Your age is an achievement. Not all your age mates have celebrated their birthdays in good health, many have gone to be with their maker and as long as you have life, it is not over! Look at yourself in the mirror and believe in yourself. Achievements are constructed subjectively. For some, just being in good health is all they want in this life, others, money and wealth, for some, marriage and children and for some peace of mind. Each to his own! No one has the authority to project their low self-esteem to you by comparing your life to others or theirs. No! You define your own achievement and be content with what you have and where you are.
3. Marriage is not an achievement. Yep, I said so! Some women are married and their lives have been destroyed because of it. Some hide the scars very well. Some are in good marriages. But, it is not the be all and end all. It is just one of those things if you meet someone who you believe deserves you, you go into. It is not something that one can compromise to get into. It is certainly not what should be used to shame you!
Feel free to share your experiences and give more ways to deal with those who constantly compare themselves to you.
Please feel free to submit any write-up for publication.
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